Pranks Don’t Pay
By Chibi Noin (?)

Sitting here waiting, thought Mitskake. Is that all I’m ever going to do? He crouched deeper into the foliage, and stared at the pathway. Like every other time, the seishi had been placed in charge of keeping watch while the others sneaked across the borders into the Seiryuu territory. He picked a three-leaf clover that was in front of him, and twirled it between his thumb and forefinger.
Suddenly, a loud banging sounded throughout the woods. Mitskake’s head jerked upwards, his eyes scouring the area. Nobody yet. I hope they’re okay. He crawled forward on his elbows until there was only a thin layer of leaves shielding him from the walkway.
Before he could register, Miaka and her seishi bolted past him onto the Suzaku land. "Run, Mitskake!" Miaka shrieked.
Mitskake pushed himself to his feet and ran after them, until they were deep into the woods. The other seven seishi caught their breath, then collapsed onto the hard dirt floor in a fit of giggles.
"Well?" Mitskake demanded. "What happened?"
Nuriko looked up, guffawed again, then spoke. "We got right into the palace! The guards didn’t even catch us!"
Chiriko joined in. "We made it all the way to the throne room. There was nobody there, so all we had to do was put it on the throne…"
"Then KABOOM!!" Jensaru said. Her arms circled around her stomach, she started to hyperventilate from too much laughter.
"Oh, you should have seen that stink bomb go off, no da!" Chichiri finished the account of the mission. They finally calmed themselves enough to stand up, then they looked at each other again and resumed falling on the floor laughing.
Hotohori was the first to regain some composure. "Whew. Okay, we’d better get out of here before they catch us." As if on cue, they heard a loud "Get back here!"
"Oh crap." Tasuki took off, with the rest of the group on his heels.
Suboshi emerged, holding the bomb by the edge. "We’ll get you stupid kids!" he yelled. "You won’t get us the next time!"
Nakago came behind Suboshi. "What should we do?" Suboshi asked. "That’s really starting to annoy me."
"We’ll get them back," Nakago said, his eyes glinting menancingly.
"Aww…we don’t have to kill them, do we? I mean, I just got this shirt dry cleaned, I don’t need blood all over it now!"
"We don’t need to kill them. They’re expecting it. We’ll get them another way. We just need to figure out how…" Nakago turned and walked away, his cape flapping behind him.

"Okay," Jensaru took her pointer and whacked the map of Seiryuu country. "This is where we attack next. The bedroom of Nakago."
Chichiri stood up and joined her. He reached for the pointer, but Jensaru pulled it out of reach. They struggled for a few minutes, then Chichiri won and snatched the pointer away, and smacked it against the paper. "See this here, no da? We have discovered a secret door that we never knew about before no da!"
Chiriko hopped up and pointed a finger to the spot Chichiri indicated. "That’s no secret door! That’s the door that we used this time!"
"Shut up kid," Chichiri growled. Then he smiled widely. "Now please go sit down for the rest of the demonstration, no da."
Chichiri sulked and went back to his seat. Chichiri continued on. "Now here is the secret door," he looked meaningfully at Chiriko. "We’ll have two people enter through here, and another two enter through the back doors to the palace no da. Now, the rest of us will stand guard around each wall of the building no da. If there’s any sign of movement from the passed out guards, then bop them over the head no da!"
The rest of the seishi stood up and cheered, than ran out of the room in a mob, leaving Chichiri behind.
"Wait for me no da!" he screamed, running behind them.
They stopped in the kitchen to grab a quick snack before they left. Jensaru slopped more mayonaise onto a piece of bread and carefully placed two slices of tomatoes on top. "This’ll be so fun!" she exclaimed before chomping down on her sandwich.
Tasuki chuckled evily. "Those stupid Seiryuu won’t know what hit them!"

Nakago found himself in the guards’ quarters when he entered the back door. He looked around for a few minutes to adjust to the darkness. Suboshi stumbled into him, then straightened up. "Sorry about that," he mumbled.
Nakago shook his head. "Where’s the others?" he whispered.
"Right here," came the muffled reply. Soi, Amiboshi and Tomo emerged.
"Are you ready?" Nakago asked. They nodded. Nakago smiled, then slid a long sword out of its sheath. "It’s time," he murmured. He bent down suddenly and easily snapped the sword blade in half. The others crouched down for a look.
The sword was completely hollow. Nakago reached into one of the broken halves, and gingerly pulled out a small sack. Then he reached into the sack and produced another sack. Then he reached inside that sack and took out another sack. From that sack he produced a small vile.
"What are you planning to do?" Tomo asked.
"Well," Nakago explained. "First, I’m going to use this potion to turn the Suzaku no Miko, Miaka, into a flea. Then I’ll put her into a box. Then I’ll put that box into a bigger box, then that box into a bigger box, then that box into a bigger box. Then I’ll send the box to myself, and then………I’ll smash it with a hammer!!
Nakago started to laugh wickedly, then lowered his voice again. "So whaddya think?"
"We could that…" Soi said, pulling out another vile. "…or we could take this vile, and poison Miaka’s drink! With their precious goddess dead, the seishi won’t know what to do! That’s when we, the Seiryuu, take over Suzaku territory!"
They agreed to that plan, considering that it would save on postage. "Wait a minute," Amiboshi interrupted. "Isn’t this what happened in The Emperor’s New-"
"Be quiet," Nakago ordered. "This is the perfect plan. Now, we just need somebody to go into the kitchen and poison the drinks!"
Soi agreed to the job, and stealthily made her way to the kitchen. The seishi were just leaving to eat their snacks in the dining room. Miaka was the last one to go out the door. "Oh rats!" Miaka cried. "I forgot my drink!"
Soi sprinted across the room, poured the poison into the glass, and sprinted out before Miaka could notice her. The goddess grabbed the glass, then went back into the dining room. Soi laughed quietly. The end was near for the beloved Suzaku no Miko.
The seishi were gathered around the dining hall table, eating their snacks. Miaka began whining about how thirsty she was.
"You have a drink right there!" the seishi informed her.
"Oh yeah!" she grabbed the glass and started guzzling the drink.
Nakago and the rest of the Seiryuu watched from the kitchen, smiling evily. Their smiles began to disappear as they watched Miaka slowly drain her glass, and nothing happened.
"Damn!" Nakago whispered. "Soi, what’s wrong with the potion?"
"Nothing! I swear, I checked it before we left!"
They were interrupted by the sound of smashing glass and something hitting the ground. They looked over to find Miaka sprawled out on the floor.
"Miaka!" Tamahome rushed over to the Suzaku no Miko and grasped her hand. "Miaka! Talk to me!"
Miaka didn’t answer. Her eyes remained closed.
Nakago stepped out of hiding and began to laugh. "Mwahaha! What will you do now, that your goddess is dead?"
All eight of them began whimpering. "But it’s not our fault! We-we didn’t mean to!" Chiriko cried.
"You killed her. Oh, what will the people of Konan County think?" Nakago dramatically raised a hand to his forehead.
"What should we do no da?" Chichiri asked quietly.
"Run away, Suzaku seishi. Run away, and never return."
With one last look at their beloved Miko, the seishi stood up and fled. They never heard Nakago’s reply. "Kill them."
The Seiryuu ran after them, brandishing swords and stuff. Amiboshi spoke up. "Wasn’t this from The Lion King-"
"Be quiet," Nakago ordered. "Just kill them!"
"But you promised no killing!" Suboshi whined. "Damn, my new shirt!" He reluctantly followed the others.

"Where do we go?" The seishi were in the city square, desperately looking for a hiding place. They ran into an old, run-down building, and huddled into a corner.
"I have an idea!" Jensaru cried.
"All we have to do is put our past behind us! We could come up with a crazy motto that can help us!"
"I know!" Tasuki cheered. "Hakuna Matata!"
Suddenly, happy rays of sunshine burst from the building, as the Suzaku seishi stood up and began singing and dancing.

Unfortunately, the happy rays of sunshine helped the Seiryuu determine where the Suzaku were. "In there! In there!" they chanted. They ran and kicked the door open. The happy rays of sunshine ceased.
"Boom baby!" Nakago cried out, arms flailing out at his sides.
"Wait a minute," Soi said. "Where did Ashitaire come from?"
Ashitaire appeared beside them and waved.
The Suzaku seishi gasped. "It’s a beast!" They began chanting. "KILL THE BEAST! KILL THE BEAST!"
"I’m not a beast!" Ashitaire whimpered. "I’m a real boy!" His snout grew two inches longer.
Amiboshi raised an eyebrow then sighed. "Disney’s gonna sue all yer asses." He turned and walked away.
"This is what you get for putting stink bombs in my bedroom!" Suboshi gave a war cry and ran at Hotohori, attempting to punch him in the face.
Hotohori blocked the punch and kneed Suboshi in the gut, causing the Seiryuu to double forward in pain.
The Seiryuu looked at each other for a minute, then nodded decidedly. "Run away!" they screamed. "Run away!" They ran as a group out of the building, down the street, back into their own territory.
The Suzaku seishi sighed with relief.
"Let’s get outta here," Nuriko said. They all agreed whole-heartedly. They went back to the palace, only to find Miaka alive and well, sitting at the table and eating everybody else’s food.
"Miaka! I thought you died!" Mitskake cried.
Miaka shrugged. "I think it just drugged me for awhile."
"How do you know that?" Tasuki asked.
"Mr. Elephant! How in the world did you get here! I told you I’d be back later! You just can’t wait, can you?" Miaka laughed, then got up and staggered out of the room, talking to the air. "Oooohhhhh…" the seishi said simultaneously. Then they shrugged and resumed eating what was left of their food.