Fue-chan's lips still burned with Murphy's kiss. Well, one thing was for sure, God-like people---or whatever he was----sure knew how to kiss. Not that that surprised her… She headed out of the main room. It had to be around 4 in the morning. Gods, she thought, putting a hand to her head, I can't believe I spent all those hours justtalking with him. The kissing had only been about 15 minutes or so, if not less. After that time, a little thing called 'conscience' that she seemed to have lost a long time ago poked in and waggled it's little finger at her. Thank goodness. With the way that man kissed, it wasn't hard to figure out thatanything else he did would be phenomenal too. Good to get out while you still could.
She walked down the hall a little, a large lump building in her throat. What's wrong with me? Why do I keep doing this? One might say she had a commitment problem, but that didn't seem like it… She loved Eran, she truly did. She wanted to be with him the rest of her life… But then again, she truly loved Jerome, she /knew/ she did, and if it had come to it, she would have loved to spend the rest of her life with him. What are the chances, Fue-chan thought, to fall in love with two entirely different people in the same place, at the same time? Sure, loving someone was something you could do twice, but in the same time space and area? Again, she thought she was just spoiled. Too many guys, her ego had swelled and refused to have one of the handsome men courting her get away. But what was that? Immaturity? Well, obviously. But, how could she get away from that? Did it just take time?
She stopped to lean against the wall, her breathing slowly speeding up, slowly reaching hyperventilating. Her chest hurt incredibly, and she put a thin hand to it, closing her eyes tightly, waiting for it to fade. Whenever she got worked up about something, upset about something, something in her would ache terribly, she find she had trouble breathing, and would frequently pass out. Jesus Christ, I'm turning into an anime heroine! No… even when she was younger, if something really got her upset, she would hyperventilate, but now, it was for the slightest things, and she'd never had chest pains or loss of consciousness before. It had all started after that damn soul affair….
She thought back to Rei. Aza's real sister. The girl who looked just like her, the girl who had her soul, or half of it, or whatever. Contempt? Was that was she held for her past self? It just… it couldn't be. She /couldn't/ be here…. What did that make Fue-chan? Just an incarnation, a copy of someone else. I'm no one original now, she thought bleakly, trying desperately to calm her hyperventilating, I'm just a clone.
Slowly, the pain was going away. Thank god. She didn't feel like passing out in the middle of the hall tonight. Acting, acting, acting. What had Murphy said about that? It was unfortunate that a lady such as herself should need to act like she did. Yeah, sure, unfortunate. Do I bring it upon myself? No… I never asked for this soul bit. But I can't stand to have them worrying about me…especially not Eran. Everything's fine, she told herself,
just as she told anyone that happened to glimpse her passing out or whatever, I just haven't been eating lately.
/"You should take better care of yourself."/
How many people had said that to her by now? Gods, so many. Even her mother
had gotten in on the concern. I /am/ taking care of myself. I just forget to eat sometimes, it's no big deal. It's not /my/ fault I have problems with my soul.
Once she got herself calmed down, she looked around her, still slumped against the wall. This place…how much heartache it had caused her in more than a year that she'd been here. What had Jerome said…? A vacation might be good for her, and it wouldn't be permenant, just come back when she felt better? Heh, she wasn't crazy anymore, at least. A little nervous laugh escaped her lips, as she pushed her hair back from her face. Her gaze drifted back to the main room, where Murphy sat. I don't love him, hell, I barely know him. Thoughts raced through her mind. What….what /is/ wrong with me? /Do/ I need to go to men rehab? /Was/ there one? Biting her lip a little. Maybe I can get help…… Maybe leaving for awhile will teach me a thing or two about fidelity.
Taking in a couple breaths to get ahold of herself, she headed to the elevator, pressing the button to her floor. Just grab some things, get out, and get better. She paused as the door slid open, still biting her lip. Eran…gods, he'd go nuts if she just disappeared on him. She /had/ to be more considerate, damnit! Making a note to write out something for him, she headed off to her room.
Empty, thank gods. How many times have I said that in the past 15 minutes? Why am I thanking God or any gods? What good have they done me? she thought bitterly. Destroyed my fucking life half the time? Yeah, real nice.
/"It's not God's fault bad things happen to people. He doesn't /like/ to watch us suffer! It's the result of Satan's evil!"/
Fue-chan wanted to spit on the church goers who constantly told her that. So fucking what. I'll blame whoever I want.
Well, if that isn't a past pessimistic thought escaping into your little brain, I don't know what is.
She glared at the little voice in her head, wondering if it was still Fue, the real one. She half expected the dark haired beauty to be behind her when she turned, still playing the role of her conscience in this play. But when she glanced over--like an idiot--of course, the room was empty.
Packing her things quickly, Fue-chan felt like a worm. I'm just as bad as Seibrum, or Jerome, or someone. Escaping like this. Eran's going to freak, she knew, even with a note. Closing her eyes momentarily, she hoped her thoughts might get into his head somehow, like all telepathic anime lovers. Please, Eran, understand and just….let it be. She prayed to whoever that he wouldn't up and follow her, and made a note to take a totally inconspicuous path. Like that would help; he had wings.
Sighing a little, she sat down at her desk and began to write, taking some time to think up how to start. Starting was the hardest part. Finally, when she was done, she folding it, drawing some cute hearts and pictures on it around "Eran" on the front and went to the elevator again, the bag slung over her shoulder. Once at his door, she took a breath and slipped the letter under his door, going to hurry away before he saw it, if he was in there. She made it to the front of the hotel and glanced over her shoulder a little. I'm coming back, she told herself with a little smile, it's no big deal. Everyone will understand, and when I get back, I'll be a whole new Fue-chan! Fidelity here I come! With another sigh, her smile faded and she pushed out the doors into the night, er, morning, watching the sun rise as she set off.