“And do what?”
He stared at me, “Just stay...”
I let out another sigh. This was /juuust/ pitiful, “I need something to do.”
Eran looked around shortly, then turned his gaze back to me, “Otherwise you’d go back to Zei.”
He was catching on, I thought dryly. “Yes.”
“No... we’ll find something,” he shook his head as he stood up, still with my wrist in his grasp. I glanced at his hand with a slight wild gaze, not liking the feeling of being held so captively by one who wasn’t my master.
“Eran, you need time to adjust to this.”
He turned on me, “No, I don’t! I’m not ever going to /adjust/ to this!! You don’t belong to Zei! You said you wanted me to own you, and I agreed. And I’m letting you go like that!!”
Suddenly, I stared at him, “You wanted to own me?”
He was extremely upset by now, “You asked me! Don’t you remember that?”
Of course I did. I remembered it better than he did. With a thick bitterness rising in my voice, I commented, “Yes, but you didn’t want to.”
“Fue-chan... I told you I would.”
Angry again, I yanked my hand back from him, “And what have you done?” I set my hands on my hips, “You let me go talk with another man, and look where it got me.”
Eran stared at him, clearly stung by that. I didn’t even have to feel his emotions to know I’d struck him hard. Guilt flooded in me, but I stubbornly shoved it aside. He deserved it.
“If you want to own me, Eran, take it up with Zei. But for now, he’s given me to Grey,” I told him calmly, a hint of coldness still in my voice.
He shook his head, pausing a moment before speaking, “You’re right. I didn’t want to own you. It’s probably my fault that this happened to you. But if this can happen when I don’t, then I will own you. Because I love you, and I’m not going to let Zei or Grey take you from me,” again, he rose, wrapping me in his arms, “and I’m not going to let you go back to them.”
I could very well have physically twitched. Another order. I didn’t like where this was heading at all. I asked again, “Are you forcing me?”
“I guess I am,” his voice was quiet, “you’re going to have to kill me to go back. Is that what you want?”
Foolish, imbecilic boy, “I don’t think I could kill you, Eran. I would kill myself first.”
“I won’t let you go...”
“I must go back to them now.”
“No,” Eran spoke somewhat fiercely.
“Then come with me,” I didn’t smirk, surprisingly, “although I don’t think you’d survive the region.”
He swallowed, “Fine. But I’m not leaving you alone.”
“You’ll have to, or you’ll die.”
He shook his head, “ I won’t die.”
“Why not?” I asked, unable to stop the slight smirk from creeping onto my lips.
“I’ve been there before,” he still had me in a tight hug, “I know it’ll hurt, but I can survive it.”
I almost couldn’t take it, it was frustrating so much. I had been trying to be gentle... “Eran, just let go.”
“No. Take me with you if you have to go.”
Pathetic, clinging fool. I rose my hands, preparing to not hurt him, and pushed him off of me, backwards. He fell back heavily onto the bed, wincing a little, and my eyes glittered. What strength...! I had never been strong, not ever, and now, I could do anything. I wasn’t weak any longer. Zei had made me strong, and now, there was another I couldn’t do. I was invisible. Marveling, I brought up a hand as if to study where the force had come from, “Amazing...” turning to him, still extremely pleased with myself, I smiled impishly, “Gomen ne, I don’t even know my own strength yet.”
Eran sat up slowly, a hand to his chest, staring at me, “......Fue-chan....”
“Hm?” the smile remained. How glorious this was. I was up there with the gods. Or... I should rather say, the demons.
But this man was undeterred. He had a will of steel. Raising again, he frowned and took my hand, “I want you to take me with you.”
I ripped my hand away from him. His persistence was certainly admirable, but nothing I had time for, “Mm, follow me wherever you like.”
And he did follow me. I left my room, starting to head down the hall, and he was right at me heels. Imbecile.
“Oh, my,” I said in mock worry, raising a hand to my red lips, “I’ll have to transport to Jackiland...”
More pleading. “Fue-chan... Don’t leave...”
The only reason I /didn’t/ just leave him standing by his lonesome in the hall right then was that something nagged me that it was imperative that I not leave him, not leave his side. I wanted him, I wanted to be close by him, to which I could still not understand. I turned and held out my hand simply, my evil-looking nails pointing at him, “You want to go?”
“Yes.” with no hesitation, he took my hand, and I teleported us instantly to the region, to the human-safe zone where he wouldn’t be harmed. He was prepared for the worst, flinching, but the moment oxygen entered his lungs instead of smothering negative energy and his body was numbed by his environment, his blinked, looking around surprisedly.
“We’re at a safe zone for humans,” I explained, walking over to my orb with my children and kneeling before it, embracing it, “my humans..”
He whirled to me, and confusion registered sharply, “Wha-” seeing the fetuses, he realized, “.......Fue.......”
My smile grew somewhat dark, “My children.”
“.......No.....” he took a step forward, eyes huge.
“You didn’t think Zei or I would let them die, did you? I don’t have a womb anymore, so I feed them from here.”
“There’s....two....” he kneeled before it, staring at the children, “twins...”
I smiled more, proud of my offspring already, “Yes....twins...”
Eran stared a bit more, then stood again, staking a step back and looking towards the entrance, “That’s Zei’s region there...?”
I nodded, “I’m not sure where he is.”
A darkness filled him, probably at Zei’s mention.
“He must be getting Grey. I feel his presence approaching,” I closed my eyes, blissful to be by my children and soon by my master. More anger and hatred seeped from Eran, I could tell he wanted to kill Zei. I opened my eyes slowly, “I won’t allow you to touch him.”
Before Eran could reply, Zei entered the zone, Grey holding onto his arm, looking slightly drained. The region was painful for my love too, I thought unhappily. Zei stopped, in all his beauty and glory, turning his violet eyes on Eran, “How did you get here?”
I didn’t move from my spot, calm and serene by my babies, “I brought him here, Master. Is that all right?”
“I suppose...” Zei was wary, knowing how furious Eran was at him as much as I knew. He didn’t want anything funny going on in his region.
Eran spoke then, his voice cold, “I told her to bring me.”
My master nodded, walking in more, “Hm. I see. What’s your input on all of this, Eran?”
As they spoke, I got up slowly and walked over to Grey, yearning to be near him once again, slipping my arms around his arm and cuddling up to him.
“I’m not giving her to you. Make her the way she was before.” Eran demanded angrily.
Zei was having a sort of unhappy-fun toying with Eran, “Oh you see...” he smirked, “I can’t. And I wouldn’t want to. She’s mine now.”
“No. Give her back,” Eran was trembling slightly he was so angry.
Zei watched Eran silently a moment, then asked quietly, “What if I want her now?”
The wing boy began to walk towards Zei, shaking more, “What else will you take from me? I don’t have anything left. If I ask you to kill me, you won’t do that. But everything else, you’ve taken.”
“You really do hate me now, don’t you, Eran?” Zei asked, his gaze not faltering. It was just then I realized this is what Zei had been striving for. He wanted Eran to hate him, for he couldn’t stand the feeling of Eran loving him.
Eran appeared to be weakening, “What else do you want me to do, Zei? What else do I have left?”
“Nothing, I suppose. Since she was the last of it,” he turned his gaze over to Grey and I, half annoyed, half wanting to tease Eran more, “Not now, you two, can’t you see it’s tasteless to be that way in front of guests?”
I hid the smile, obediently unattatching myself from Grey and taking a step to the side.
When Zei next spoke to Eran, he was lying, “I haven’t taken your children from you.” he gestured to the orb, that as long as he owned me, he would also. Perhaps even though he knew it was right, he had a fleeting feeling of wanting to please Eran, to lie to him to keep him happy. Eran looked to the babies, tears in his eyes, and didn’t say anything. Zei went on, “they’re still yours. And Fue-chan’s,” turning his glorious gaze on me, he smiled a little, “Fue, go comfort your fiancee.”
I nodded, walking silently over to Eran, not against my will, and wrapping my arms around him again, cuddling up to the comfort I always felt when I was near him.
But he pulled away from me. I felt a soft splinter in my being. “No. Fue-chan is dead,” another splinter, “don’t use that name,” more splinters, and finally, he met my gaze, and all I could see was hatred, “you’re not Fue-chan.”
I stared at him. The shell that I had curled up in since being reborn had cracked and shattered, and now, everything was just now becoming real to me. I was... a mazoku.. I was what Zei was. And Eran believed I was dead. He believed I was another person entirely. A human part of myself came to life again, the part that loved Eran so, and wept at his conviction.
“What are you ....” I began, staring at him.
Tears spilled over his cheeks. He was crying... crying for me. I wept harder inside.
“The three of you killed her,” he spoke painfully, bitterly, “Fue-chan never belonged to Zei. And she never will. If you’re Fue-chan, then come back to me.”
I could only stare at him more, my iciness melting, my surreal world broken. “I....” I swallowed, looking down, my voice barely audible, “...you think this was my choice....?”
At the signs of new emotions, a hope surged through Eran, as he reached down to put his hand on my shoulders gently, “Fue-chan...please... come back with me... If you stay here, you really will die.”
But it was too late, and he just didn’t realize that. I’d been made a mazoku not by my choice, and I loved my creator. I was evil, a monster, ugly inside, and it torn me up that he believed I could come back to him, “Eran....I....I can’t stop what I’ve become...” I felt an ice-cold tear roll down my cheek.
He was crying still, I couldn’t stand it, “You can. You can. Please....”
“Eran....” how could he not realize? How could he love me like this... “I...I’m a monster now!” I met his eyes, somewhat horrified by my conclusion.
He was still trying to comfort me as if I was a human, “No... Jerome can help you.... You just have to leave Zei... come with me... I can’t leave you.”
So sweet and cruel at the same time. He was asking me to leave my master--which I couldn’t even conceivably do-- and then he was making me feel as if he would stick with me through anything. I looked back to my sweet, admirable master, who remained silent to watch us darkly. Choking a little, I whispered, “Eran... my feelings for him....”
He was weakening. I could feel it now. His will was slowly bending towards the breaking point like a piece of wood, “Fue-chan..please...”
“It’s not...” I took in a sharp breath, “my fault.... don’t abandon me...”
I was near pleading with him now, to love me, not to leave me despite what I’d become.
His voice was near whispering, “Fue-chan... all you need to do is come back with me. Back to the hotel... You can do that.”
It wasn’t as simple as Eran wanted it to be, “If he says I can.”
Zei broke in now, feeling the need, “Eran, what will you do if I don’t let her?”
“Don’t,” Eran’s voice was cold, commanding, warning Zei that something dangerous would happen if he didn’t. And my master didn’t like being told what to do anymore than I did. He turned to Grey, asking, “Should I let her?”
Grey was watching me, gorgeous man that he was, and spoke, “For her sake, I would say yes,” he turned his gaze slowly over to Eran, “but because of him... I can’t,” he narroweded his eyes a little, not in anger, in greedy satisfaction. He had taken Eran’s love. He had wounded his enemy, he had gotten the girl, and he was finding himself pleased, “But, it’s your choice, Zei. You’ll be losing your new power.”
Zei seemed to come up with a thought speedily, and looked directly at me, “You may go with him, dove, but if Jerome or anyone tries to touch you to make you different, kill them.”
I flinched. Oh gods. Killing someone. Even if I rejoiced in pain, I had never, ever wanted to take a life. Somehow, it seemed I couldn’t. But it was an order, and sickly, I nodded.
Eran’s stare was hollow, “.......Zei. Let her go.”
“I /am/.”
Anxious to get him out of there before he decided to start a fight with Zei, I turned to Eran, “We can go now, Eran...”
But he wasn’t satisfied, “No... I want her back completely. If you can’t...then make me like her too.”
I was right, he really was an idiot. I couldn’t believe he’d even suggest that. Didn’t he know what hell he’d live in?? Zei had a similar reaction, murmuring the boy’s name.
Eran turned to Grey now, a surprising move, speaking somewhat calmly, “You can absorb my soul with the sword. You’ll be in control. That’s what you’ve wanted, isn’t it? Then nobody has to chose between us. We’ll be the same again. We’ll both be there.”
Grey narrowed his eyes, “...You wouldn’t be able to stand it. You’d be pleading to be released in a day.”
I continued to plead with him, “Eran.. don’t torture yourself over this....”
He looked to me finally, and a sad smile touched his lips, “No... if this is how you have to be, then I want to be the same,” I cried a bit more at how wonderful he was to a demon like me, “if you stay like this, you won’t die. If Grey and I are both together and mazoku, then we won’t die either. We’ll all live together.”
I realized Eran must be going crazy at this point. He was thinking of anything he could, but it was all for me... he would do anything for me... And I hated that. Crying more, I shook my head, “You don’t want this...”
“I don’t want to see you hurt... If you stay like this, you won’t stay with me. You’ll go to Grey and Zei.”
He...he didn’t want me if I was a mazoku. That was the only catch. But I wouldn’t let him go through anymore pain, “I won’t let you....”
Zei spoke up, “It’s pointless, Eran... I would never make you one.”
“Why not?” he asked.
“Because I don’t want you to feel what we do.”
I echoed him quietly, “What we do...”
Eran stared at us, and I could feel a slight fear wisp into him as he took a step back towards the doorway. He was leaving. He was leaving me. He couldn’t stay with me like this, he couldn’t love me. He hated me... Despair filled me, and I sunk to my knees wordlessly, more tears flowing coldly down my cheeks.
As if he could read my mind, Eran said, “I’m not going anywhere. I won’t go back without you, Fue-chan, and I won’t take you with me without making you like you were.
A contradiction, all of it. He just didn’t get it. I sobbed softly, “I’m not given a choice.”
“You always have a choice. You can fight what he tells you, because it’s not what you want.”
But it was. Whatever my master wished, I wished. I shook my head, still crying, “You don’t understand... I belong to him now... I can’t refuse him. Eran.. just leave.” he would never understand, I could bear for him to see me as this any longer. He looked to me, and I whispered, “just go.”
Eran’s voice was quiet, “I’m not going back to the hotel without you.”
Zei had a look of sheer annoyance--it looked wonderfully sexy on him, “I said she could go. She just has orders.”
As if to remind him, Eran quickly added, “I’m never going to forgive you for this, Zei.”
“I realize that.”
Holding out my hand, I pleaded softly, “Please, Eran, just go back.”
But he hated me, and shook his head, “No. I’ll go myself.”
He turned and started though the doorway that lead to Zei’s region. Fear struck me, knowing how hard it was for humans to survive in there, and disappeared from where I was, reappearing behind him and clamping my arms aroun dhis waist, instantly teleporting us out.
We reappeared outside in the woods right outside the hotel. I vaguely remembered this was the area I died and was reborn in.
He jerked away from me immediatly, and I was stung again. He could stand to have me touching him. I backed up, my jaw set in a frown, my brow furrowed troubledly, “You’re an idiot. You could have died in the region.”
“I would have been fine,” Eran’s voice was hoarse, and he wasn’t looking at me, “I was going to go to Jackiland,”he glanced at me now out of the corner of his eye, “or is it the same as Zei’s region now? Is it dead too?”
I was struck again, but his question brought up an interesting point. Eyes wide, I paused to look into my mind to my world.
Frozen. Still. Quiet. It looked like a scene out of Legend. Time had frozen in my mind, the whole world coated over with ice and snow. Animals, mermaids, faeries--they weren’t dead, they were frozen in time, unmoving. Trees were spread with ice, trunks and leaves thick with frost, flowers shining their pale colors through the ice sheets, waterfalls turned to blocks of ice and frozen in mid-air, seas as still as death and being blanketed by a soft snow.
This was my world as a human. The only thing remaining active was the black and twisted world created for Zei, the terrible ogre’s castle in a mountain, only because Zei managed it now. Jackiland would remain frozen forever... as a mazoku, I couldn’t control it, couldn’t change it. It wasn’t my world anymore because I was not pure of heart anymore, not even to my own standards.
Shocked and saddened byt he fall of my world, I came back to the present. Eran couldn’t know. It would only make him hate me more.
“Goodbye, Eran. There’s no helping me now,” I took a step back.
But he was interested in the prospect of Jackiland, “Take me back there. Let me see what it is now.”
“No. I won’t go there anymore,” I vowed, lowering my eyes. Gods, so much I wanted to say. So much I couldn’t say, “I....I’m sorry I couldn’t stop Zei. I’m sorry I stayed to talk with Grey. I’m sorry I....” that I’m nothing more than a monster, “that I’m nothing to you now.”
He was looking at me now, his voice quiet, “Is that what you want it to be?”
“Nothing to you?”
“Yes. Is Fue-chan dead?”
I could only stare at him. Why was he even asking if he already thought so? Unless...
“What do you believe? Tell me that first.”
He was jumping from idead to conclusion to idea like a fucking bunny rabbit. “Come with me to see Jerome.”
I narrowed my eyes, “Do you believe Fue-chan is dead?? Do you believe I’m nothing more than a monster?”
His gaze was even, “I can only answer by what I see and how you act. According to Zei, if I try to take you to get healed, then you’d have to kill me. If you attack me, then I’ll know Fue-chan is dead. If you attack Jerome, I’ll know she’s dead.”
He seemed to think it was that simple. That I was following orders like a human. It made me mad that he was demanding so much from me without understanding how impossible it was.
“I can’t stop orders, Eran. If he tells me to cut off my hand, I would not physically be able to stop my arm from grabbing a knife and hacking it off.”
He reached forward to grab my wrist, “Then attack me. I’ve tol dyou what I intend to do,” he was pleading again, trying for what seemed so easy to him, “Fue-chan, you /can/ fight him...”
I was beyond frustrated. “No. I. Can’t. I don’t want to!” I exclaimed, “Zei is my master, my creator! I will do whatever he tell me, whether I like it or not.”
And that was it. He wouldn’t accept me anymore. Dropping my hand defeatedly, Eran stepped back, “Then, yes. She is dead,” he lowered his voice, “you’re someone else.”
I should have let him go at that, just left right then and there. But my mind race, my will not broken yet, struggling to think of a way to keep him loving me, no matter what I was.
“Kiss me.”
He didn’t reply, barely responded.
“Kiss me. You can leave me, but you must kiss me first.”
He wasn’t moving, “Why?”
Letting out my breath slowly, I replied, “Because I want you to kiss me before deciding I’m someone else.”
Pain was surging through him at my suggestion. He couldn’t bear the thought of pressing his mouth to a creature who he used to kiss as a human. But he couldn’t refuse me, and discouragedly took a step over to me. Once close, he brought his arms around me tightly, leaning down to touch his mouth to mine. I leaned to him a little, tilting me head to kiss him back with my wine-sweet lips and began flowing in all my love and hope to him, praying he would feel it through the kiss.
Suddenly, a huge shock of pain shot through my body, like lightening, reaching all the way down to my feet. I ripped my mouth away, letting out a strangled, sharp cry of pain, my eyes shutting tight. Eran wordlessly dropped his arms from around me, stepping back. I gripped my chest, willing the pain to go away, “Itai...”
“You said Jerome would hurt you... Zei has hurt you more. Come with me,” he said again.
I shuddered, wincing slightly. It was over. He couldn’t love me like this, and there was no way I could be human again. He didn’t want me. He was leaving me.
“No... I don’t want to even have to try and kill him...” I choked out, meaning Jerome. Shaking and wincing, I brought my eyes up to him, “I’ll be at the hotel soon. I...” I winced again, needing to get out of there before I lost it, “I love you...”
And with that, I teleported out. Arriving back in the human-safe area of Zei’s region, I landed on my knees roughing, coughing. Zei and Grey were over near where we had left them, and at my entrance, Grey headed over to me, kneeling down, “Fue-chan...?”
Tears welled up in my eyes. He was gone. Eran was forever gone from my life. He didn’t love me, rather, he hated me. I was nothing more than a monster in his eyes. Letting out a little choke, I fell into Grey, murmuring his name.
Zei was watching us, and spoke quietly, “I have to go speak with my demons. I’ll be right around the corner if you need me.”
Grey nodded to him before looking back to me and wrapping his arms around me in a warm hug. I instantly felt better. He understood... he loved me this way. I turned more to him, resting my face in the side of his neck, my hands on his chest, “Grey...love....”
“I belong to you now.”
He nodded, “Did you leave him?”
I let my voice be quiet, “He left me.”
Grey snorted softly, satasfied with Eran’s pain, “I see.”
“You still want me, don’t you?”
“Yes,” his voice was soothing, comforting, as he stroked my black silky hair a little. I began to worry less and less about whether Eran loved me or not. My sorrow was turning to anger the more I thought about it. He didn’t understand me. He didn’t tolerate me. Why was I sad about him? I was being disciminated against. He’d left me because he was close-minded and horrible. And I was bitter. The world would do this to me also. They hated my race, Zei’s race, they didn’t care about us at all. If they could, they would exterminate all of us without a glance at how we felt. But, that was, if they could. Which they never would be able to. My bitterness grew inside me as I was nestled in Grey’s arms, my hatred. Mankind would feel my hatred. They would know the malice I felt for them, and it would take them out one by one. They were pathetic, weak fools, and they would all die because I had been hurt. And then...then, the whole stinking world...would be mine.
A black, ice shell of hatred built up around me. The tears gone, I swallowed them down, and vowed my revenge. Bringing my arms up around Grey’s neck, I felt in control of myself again, and began to lay down on the floor, pulling him down with me.