“Someone Else’s Story”

After dressing in her usual tight, revealing attire, Eriya stepped outside, gazing at the sky a little. The lump that had been residing in her throat remained there, threatening to make her lower lip tremble and tears fill her eyes. I do /not/ want to cry, she told herself, her expression faintly numb. I won’t be weak. Glancing around her, she took in a breath before changing into her unicorn form. Horses can’t cry, at least, she thought. None the less, the aching in her chest didn’t go away, and this was a much larger chest to be consumed with an aching. She shook out her beautiful mane a little, shifting her iridescent wing and starting to trot. Julien had suggested a walk, but she was not in the spirits for Earth right now, for the dirt below her hooves. The Earth, her enemy, the place she hated to stay the most. Breaking into a gallop through the wilderness outside the hotel, she dashed till she reached a clearing and furled out her wings, letting the wind catch them and lift her into the sky. She got higher by flapping harder, the wind beating against them, tucking her legs underneath her.
Numbness. It was what she had longed to achieve for so long. She’d done it, but nooo, Big Brother had to come into her life and shatter her barrier towards emotion. That’s probably why she had been so susceptible to fall in love again; her emotions her open.
A song flitted into her head, one she’d heard Fue-chan sing often as the girl had done chores or played piano.
/”Long ago, in someone else’s lifetime.
Someone with my name who looked a lot like me.
Came to know a man and made a promise
He only had to say, and that’s where she would be.”/
A little coldness slipped into her. Yes, he’d ordered her around. She taken them. She would have done anything for him. And it was, for the most part, because she would have done anything to see him happy. Absolutely anything.
/”Lately, although her feelings run just as deep
The promise that she made has grown impossible to keep”/
Run just as deep....yes, of course they did. Whether she, or Cojin, or Julien wanted to admit it, she still loved Cojin more than life itself. Her feelings for Julien were just as strong, but she could not say less strong, or stronger, because they weren’t comparable. Both loves were entirely different...
/”And yet, I wish it wasn’t so.
Will he miss me if I go?”/
If she’d been in her human form, she would have swallowed down more tears to the pit of her stomach. He /wouldn’t/ miss her. That was the cruel thing about this. He would be fine with his /puppet/ , and probably never think of her again. He’d made it clear that he didn’t care if she left, and somehow, she knew that was the way he felt. All those times with the puppet, and she’d realized that she was slowly losing him. That his attention was focused on someone other than her, that he could /love/ someone other than her, and that love could surpass anything he felt towards his sister. Slowly, she’d seen him slipping away, seeing the love and adoration that always had filled his eyes when he saw her fading over the months, being replaced by irritation and annoyance. She was only good to help him with his plans now, and for sex when he felt like it. So she’d left. And he’d let her go. Somehow...she wished that he’d pleaded with her, sought to keep her there, did anything to let her know he still wanted her. But no. He’d let her go, and taken Julien so he could get /the puppet/ back. That was all he cared about anymore. Leaving hadn’t done anything but made it clear where she stood with him.
/”In a way, it’s someone else’s story.
I don’t see myself as taking part at all.
Yesterday, a girl that I was fond of
Finally could see the writing on the wall.”/
Had she actually seen it? Perhaps she’d only seen a portion of it, and that portion had come as slowly as his loss of affection for her. She wasn’t an idiot. She could see when his feelings had changed. The writing was clear, written in bold, bright letters, and it had been there long enough for her to memorize the words.
/”Sadly, she realized she’d left him behind.
And sadder than that, she knew she wouldn’t even mind.”/
She had Julien now. She shouldn’t mind. But for the most part, she did. There it was, that aching again. In time. In time, it would go away. In time.
/”And though, there’s nothing left to say,
Would he listen if I stay?”/
She knew the answer to that one. No. She’d tried to make him listen to her for months, and all he would do was argue and throw things back at her that made her want to kill herself. He was an excellent word-twister. He could take what she said, what she’d done, and twist enough to seem like it was what she said, but still make her feel sick for saying or doing it.
/”It’s all very well to say, ‘You fool, it’s now or never.’
I could be choosing no choices whatsoever...”/
That was sure as hell true. She was putting all her faith in one man. A /human/ man, none the less. She was throwing everything away and putting it all to him, and just praying her wouldn’t leave her, or hurt her, or do any of the things she feared. She knew nothing about him, so that was some impressive faith. She could be choosing a destiny worse than a life with Cojin and his precious puppet. The thought made her feel sick to her stomach, that things could turn out bad, but she loved Julien too much to put up a barrier till she felt safe. She felt safe now, and /that/ was the thing that truly scared her.
/”I could be in someone else’s story
In someone else’s lifetime, and he could be in mine.
I don’t see a reason to be lonely
I should take my chances further down the line.”/
Should she? Taking chances had never been something Eriya felt keen on doing. Maybe this would prove her wrong. Maybe it would show her she didn’t have to keep putting up barriers and numbing herself to the world. A coldness passed through her again. /Maybe/.
/”And if that girl I know should ask my advice,
I wouldn’t hesitate, she needn’t ask me twice.
‘Go now...’ I’d tell her that for free....”/
The aching returned. Done and done.
/”Trouble is, the girl is me....
The story is, the girl is me........”/